live to fight another day

Hey! I'm Nell, but that is just one of my many nicknames. I'm an adult and I'm interested in Supernatural mostly but also other fandoms, and I sometimes post about my struggles as a queer and mentally ill person. This journal is mostly SFW but I may post some stuff with viewer discretion advised. 

You can also find me on tumblr - although I want to get away from that - as deaneatscake. 
I'm on Twitter as thriiiray. 
My Ao3 handle is also deaneatscake and I post Destiel fics, although I have been on an extended pause due to depression (all stories on my Ao3 are finished though, so no worries).

You can always talk to me and I will do my best to answer and help if that is what you seek. 

I tried writing a drabble again today; crossposted on adventdrabbles

btw, I just started watching The Good Place and it's so forking good??? OMG please talk to me about it 

(but first, let me tell you how great it is to be able to choose different icons. I took a pic of this pikachu from the latest special edition switch console and I just... love it. It's so sassy and "let me tell you some shit")

I've been reluctant to joint tumblr for years. I've used to lurk on LJ's various slash communities, reading lemons way before I was allowed to (I think I started when I was 13, but then again, I also watched R-rated horror movies when I was 9 - please don't use me as a shining example). Then, with the end of LJ I kind of fell out of the loop, had other things to do and joined a few forums. Tumblr for me seemed messy and weird and not good for fandom stuff and I still think that, so I'm not that unhappy that it's destroying itself (although it is very sad for archival purposes and also I got quite a bit of a following, so ... yeah).

Anyway, what I've loved about tumblr was the ability to just... see everything at once, and the imageheavy stuff. While I didn't use tumblr primarily for NSFW stuff I appreciated the fact that it was *there*. I knew, if I wanted to find something sexual, searching for it on tumblr would yield results that felt genuine. I hate most porn sites because they're mostly the same old same old - but on tumblr you were able to find sexually gratifying things that weren't the norm, and, most importantly, you weren't shamed for it. While it was still normal to post on your LJ that you were sinning etc. and DLDR was on every fic on tumblr you could just be yourself, no matter who that might be. You were able to make sideblogs and just... put things together that were interesting. No one batted an eye when you said "oh btw I also have a NSFW tumblr it's here!". Maybe it wasn't what you wanted to see but it was able to coexist. 

And now that is all gone? Of course there were problems with child porn but that was an issue for YEARS and no one listened to the actual community trying to help getting rid of it. And you know damn well that the general adult content ban isn't going to make all child porn disappear. It's a sucky and broken algorithm and it doesn't do jack shit. Instead of keeping real children safe tumblr just decided to flat out decide that sex is bad which it isn't and FUCKING HELL can we stop telling kids that it is???? 

We had a great site with tumblr, where you had fandom content, aesthetic pictures alongside important LGBT blogs that helped educate the youth and yes, also sex blogs that educated the youth because GUESS WHAT - teenagers have a sexuality too and they should be able to explore it. Tumblr was a safe haven for that - as long as you didn't get spammed by porn bots which again, the community tried to get rid of for *years*. 

The adult content ban is nothing but censorship. It's not just about getting your rocks off - and even if it is, that's nothing to be ashamed of - it's about important access to LGBT content, safer sex content, and it also bans people from having a safe way to maybe think about your trauma because that also often is sexual in nature and it now might as well get deleted alongside everything else. Is that how we want our fandom space to be shaped? People - mostly queer, a lot of women - getting shamed for having a sexuality and trying to talk about it? Making FUCKING ART which is SO IMPORTANT in this world? 

My blog probably will survive. I hardly post NSFW stuff and my interests lie elsewhere. I could stay there but I don't *want* to. I want to use a space that is safe and welcome for all, especially LGBTQ+ users because that's who I am, too. Give me all the porn in the world - I mostly won't care for it but I'll be damned if I want to get rid of it. 

So yeah, rant off. 

So: hello. Here I am, fresh from tumblr (see my blog here) Let's see how much I'll use this, I hope it'll be a lot.
I'm terrible at this stuff, excuse me.
Also, this is my face. It's not a good face, but it's mine.